Can I tell you a secret? I've thought about cancelling my trip every day this week. I've thought about calling in sick and just hiding in bed all weekend. The thought of not crossing the finish line has crossed my mind more then once... and its not a pretty sight.
I'm not scared of the hard work it will take to cross that finish line. Nope, I know in my heart that I will keep on going until my legs fall off.... No, no I'm terrified that I wont do as well as I had hoped to. I'm scared of being the last one on the road with the patrolmen following me (like they did on my first 10K)
I'm scared of being the heaviest person out there. I'm scared that my body will give out on me.
But if I do cancel, what will hiding in my room do for me? Somewhere I read a quote this week that inspired me to go...
"The miracle is not that I finished, but that I had the courage to start"-John Bingham
Man, talk about hitting it right on the dot for me. Finishing may be a challenge for me, but starting... that is the real test.
I have a headache from gritting my teeth all week. I've been depressed all week. If I don't run this race I am going to only fall deeper into my slump. If I stay home, I'm gonna eat, sleep and not accomplish anything for myself. But if I go, I will be pushing myself up out of this hole and finding that inner self that wants to accomplish something... that wants to make myself into a better person. I want to be proud of myself...
I leave first thing in the morning to pick up Roni and head to the city. Once I'm on the road, there is not turning back. Finish or not, I'm gonna start.
8 comments:
You CAN do this! I'm doing my first 1/2 Marathon next month and am scared, too. I'm afraid of being the last one, but there is also a full marathon at the same time. If I'm the last one for the 1/2, the full marathon people should be coming in when I do. Maybe everyone will think I did the full marathon! Anyway, even if I wind up walking most of it, I will finish.
You can do this!!!
Good luck and have tons of fun! You will do great.
your going to do so much better than what you think you will!!! and i can almost promise that you wont be dead last!!!! love the quote and love your mindset going in...just do it,finish and be PROUD!!!
good luck and do post a recap!!
Way to go...you WILL start and you WILL be MORE than proud of yourself - I'm proud of you for taking the time to see perspective, find motivation and look to the end of the tunnel and not stay stuck in this state of anxiety induced "butterflies." CHEERING YOU ON GIRL...I believe in you!
You will do this. An Irish blessing for you!
May the road rise to meet you,
May the wind be always at your back,
May the sun shine warm upon your face@
You'll be FANTASTIC!!
You will finish..and you won't be last.
I'm right behind you with my first half in April. I have that John Bingham quote on my blog..and I believe every bit of it.
Make your expectation, your self requirement...to do your very best...and do it...and then you can't be disappointed.
Good luck!!
I'm so glad you didn't cancel. You can do this! You will do this. You will come away from this weekend with such a boost to your self-confidence and will be worth it's weight in gold.
I'm rooting for you! I have every faith that you are going to amaze yourself in what you can do.
Jitters are normal. I (we) have faith in you. Now, you have faith in you.
Big hugs!
tiger - I will be thinking of you like crazy - sending good vibes to spur you on!!
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