How to survive the holidays...

If your reading this because you read the title and thought I had all the answers... then you ate as bad as I did this past weekend. :)

I'm not going to 'boo hoo' about the crap I ate because I ate it, and that's that. Now its time to just work it all off. I have two hours of cardio planned today... along with a huge thermos of water I will be drinking all day.

Food will consist of fresh fruit, veggies and clean protein.

I'm feeling it....

Discipline over Desire!!

A Thanksgiving Menu

Hubby told me YESTERDAY that he wanted to stay home this Thanksgiving, instead of going to families house, and just be the 4 of us. I don't mind that really. I love spending holidays with just our little family.

I already had a turkey in the fridge defrosting (I was planning on making one on Saturday so that we had sandwich meat all week!) so that wasn't a big deal. The big deal comes when you start writing down all the side dishes you want. With a little help from the midgets (my girls) and my Hubby, this is what our menu looks like for tomorrow.

Turkey
stuffing
gravy
green bean casserole
sweet potato casserole (made with lots of brown sugar and marshmallows)
homemade rolls (I can eat 20 of these and still want more)
mushroom risotto
chocolate chip cookies
caramel chip cookies
pumpkin pie
cherry pie
whip cream

Small portions, or not, I'm gonna be stuffed tomorrow. Good thing I have a couple of long runs already planned this weekend. I'm gonna need to burn off a LOT of food.

Happy Thanksgiving !!

Day 762 or Day 4

Whatever day you want to call it... its all the same. Waking up to numbers on the scale (177.2 by the way), serving myself a huge cup of Pero non-coffee, sitting in front of the computer and digging deep to find the right words for what is swishing around in my brain. All of this to keep me on track with what I need to do for the rest of the day which is:

A) clean house
B) Homeschooling the kids
C) laundry
D) run at least 2 miles, but hopefully 3
E) keep my food simple and clean
F) drink lots of water
G) do this all with a smile on my face

That list hardly ever changes during the week. Some days I do all of it... some days I only get 2 or 3 done. Its a simple fact that , whether you do them all or none, today will turn into tomorrow. There is no catching up, no 'give me one more hour'. What you get done today is what you get done. No one can be 100% one hundred percent of the time. Its ok to be 75%, 50% or even 25%. sometimes. As long as the majority of the time you are striving for that 100%.

Today I'm striving for 100!

Finding The Path Again.

Its amazing how a bad week can mess you up.

I am on day 3 of keeping it healthy... so no worries there.... but let me tell you how much of a funk I fell in on Day 1.

I was depressed. I had gained at least 5 lbs back over that bad week. Looking at it now I'm pretty sure a majority was water weight... but none the less, I was inching my way back up to the 180's. Friday I was at 179.... and I wanted to cry. I felt like a complete failure. I hated my body. I hated food. I hated everything. At one point I was arguing with myself about just giving up. Part of me wanted to just eat everything in sight and get fat again without a care in the world. The other part of me wanted to never eat a bite of food again. I was considering every eating disorder there was... starvation being my number one choice.

I couldn't get any more messed up in the head then I was on Friday. To make it worse, I felt like I looked worse then I had at 220 lbs. I didn't want my husband to touch me or look at me. Poor guy wanted some affection and I felt too ugly to give it to him. So I went to my closet to put on some sweat pants and a t-shirt. He followed me in the closet and gave me a big hug.

"Don't you see how far you've come?" he said. "Don't you remember the rolls of fat that used to be behind you?" He slid his hand down my back. "They're not there anymore. You look amazing. You just had an off week. We all do. You'll be ok."

He left me alone in the closet. I am so scared of gaining it all back that a bad week seems like the end of the world. The thought of being 180 again made me sick. I cried. Why couldn't I see how far I had come?

Some how I pulled myself together. I made the two voices in my head come to an agreement. I would not starve myself... but I would not eat too much either. I started running through all the little things I needed to do to get back on track. Drinking water, smaller portions, no sugar, no bread, more veggies, 3 meals a day, vitamins, running.... running. I have a half marathon in less then 2 months. If I focus on that I can make it.

Saturday was Day 1 for me... luckily it was my daughters birthday party so I was busy all day. I ate healthy... even having a slice of her birthday cake. Sunday morning I was down to 178. I kept fighting my emotions and just tried to remember how to eat. Healthy choices, healthy portions...

This morning I am at 177.4. I still feel like I'm walking on the edge... but I see the path I'm supposed to take and I'm going the right way. Having a breakdown is part of the experience I guess.... but I'm still worried. Is this what its going to be like when I reach my goal weight of 155? Will I feel fat and drop into a depression if I see 158 on the scale one morning?

I'm going running.

"The best thing about straying from the path is knowing there IS a path to get back on"

words to remember

"Get used to feeling hungry... it means your doing this right."

Its Never Easy ... Day 2

No matter how long you've been doing this... for me, 2 years... getting back on track is never easy. The worst part is the sugar withdrawals/cravings. I am trying to use a little trick I learned back in the day.... whenever you start craving a snack that your not supposed to have take 10 gulps of water and wait 5 minutes. Guaranteed the water will fill your stomach and in 5 minutes you will lose the craving!

I have a strained muscle in the right side of my neck that runs all the way down to my shoulder and back. It reinforces my thoughts of not working out again until Monday.

Tomorrow is my daughters birthday party. There will be cake... but not for me. I will grab a Luna bar and indulge in the fact that I am close to losing my last 20 lbs!

Time to focus in on health...

Ok. So the past couple of days have been a little crazy. Coming back from the race I needed a couple of days to relax. Apparently, in my head, that meant eat what you want and be lazy. So, no surprise that my stomach is killing me and I am bloated and retaining water like crazy.

Yesterday was worse with it being my daughters birthday. For my kids, and me, this means getting to have your favorites all day. Like a really HUGE cheat day! She wanted bacon, eggs, biscuits and gravy for breakfast (and so did I)... she wanted pizza for lunch (and so did I)... she wanted lasagna for dinner (and so did I) .. catching on yet? Yep, I'm pretty sure I gained 5 pounds over the last four days.

I sometimes think its good for us to do this. Four days of eating like crap and I am back to my old self , having no energy... bad mood swings... stomach pains and just all around crappy feeling. I've had my binge, time to focus in again and get healthy.

Today is Day 1 of 60 before the half marathon. I have a lot of work to do, but my main goal this weekend is to stick to clean eating and get all this crap out of my system. Next week I will start my running again.

I haven't weighed myself in a couple of days... and I wont again until November 30th. I want to see a good number to keep me motivated! My goal for the half marathon is 160 lbs. If I drop below that, great... but for now, that is a good goal to reach for.

A Birthday Girl

Six years ago today, at 7:11 a.m., I had a brand new baby girl in my arms. She was everything I could have dreamed of. Holding her for the first time I knew that I loved her with every cell in my body.

Now I have a little lady who I love more now then I did back then. She reads me bedtime stories, she laughs all the time and she is one of my best friends. I can only imagine how wonderful the next 6 years will be. Happy Birthday Angel.... I love you.

Race Day Recap!

What a wonderful trip!

Saturday Morning: was up at 5 a.m. to shower and dress. After a slight delay trying to calm down baby (she hates when I go out of town) I was on my way to pick up Roni at her house. It was FREEZING. There was rain and snow falling for the first half of the trip. We double checked the forecast for the city and it was still supposed to be 70 and sunny down there... so that made us feel a little better. We just hoped we weren't going to come home to 3 feet of snow.

After 3 1/2 hours of talking and laughing we made it to the city. Now, you have to picture two country girls that only go to the city once a year... and even then our husbands do the driving. So we get off our little road and merge onto a 8 lane highway crowded with millions of cars going 100 miles an hour. (a little exaggeration, but not by much) Luckily I had studied the map on the computer and had the major roads we had to take memorized. We found the hotel and parked the car. I think that may have been the first breath I had taken since arriving in the city.

We were 5 hours early to the hotel (check in was at 3) but they had a room for us and we made our way to a very hip, trendy and clean room. I stretched on the bed... immediately after visiting the bathroom! We were getting hungry and decided to go out for lunch. I DID NOT want to get back in the car... so we asked the hotel guy where the closest street was with restaurants and he said the next major street over.

We decided to walk. Not thinking we were going to go far, I kept on my cowboy boots and jeans on. It was still a little chilly in the city, but nothing like home. Cars flew past us... crossing at busy intersections was very thrilling... and a little bit like playing chicken. Two miles later we were walking down a very busy street. It was right next to the college, so there were more people walking then driving. Thank God. We found a cute little Greek restaurant where we ordered felafel's and three huge glasses of water. I was dripping sweat.. and a little worried about the blister building on the back of my ankle from my boots.

We ate, slowly, and enjoyed watching the hustle and bustle of city life. It really made me appreciate the stress free living of country life.

We walked back to the hotel... this time going much slower thanks to the 10 added pounds of food we ate. I tried to step differently so that my boots didn't rub the same spot. About half way back to the hotel a car slowed down and was pacing us. A white Lincoln with windows so black we couldn't see the driver. At this point I had flash backs of movies with city gangsters doing drive bys on innocent people.

The window rolled down and a young man stuck his head out. "Do you know where the mall is?"

I had to laugh. I shook my head and told him we were from out of town too and had no idea where it was. He smiled, waved and they sped off. At this point we walked a little faster.

That evening we got back in the car and drove to the expo to pick up our bib numbers, shirts and grab bags. We found out that there were over 1800 women running the next morning! My bib number was 11 and yellow. This signified that I was a cancer survivor. Anyone with the numbers 1-18 were survivors. I only saw one other yellow bib the whole time... she ran the 10 miles and looked awesome!

We grabbed a sandwich and headed back to the hotel. We were in bed and asleep by 8:30. The alarm was set for 4:30.... I woke up at 3.

Sunday: RACE DAY!!

There is nothing more exciting then being surrounded by hundreds of women wanting to run!! I was signed up for the 5K... Roni was running the 10 miles. The great thing was we all started together. The bad thing was we all started together. Seriously, I'm not a fast runner but it is very annoying to start a race and have to dodge and duck around walkers and slow joggers. The path was narrow too, so you had to wait for an opening to happen before you could shove past.

The good part of this was that it kept me from sprinting out of the starting line.... I did that in my 10K race and was exhausted by my 3rd mile.... I kept a slow and steady pace that allowed me to pass people safely and still keep momentum.

I ran for 2 miles before stopping to walk... and that was only because it was a water stop. Looking back I should have ignored it and just kept on going. I didn't really need it.... and trying to keep running after that little walk was impossible. So I checked my watch and kept to a walk 2/run 2 program.

The route was fantastic. We ran next to the lake and over two bridges. I came in to the finish line at 40:01 .... an average of a 13 minute mile pace!!

The worst part...... I could have done the 10 miler. When I ran across the finish line, I could have kept going. I could have done it again!!! Being down in the lower elevation made my breathing so much easier. I live at 6200 ft... the race was at 1200 ft... that's a huge difference, and I could feel it in my lungs. I cooled down and then went to cheer on Roni as she made her second pass by the park to finish out the last of the 10 miles. She made it in 1:46:53. She rocks!

So, once again I learned some valuable information for the next race.

1) I don't NEED to stop for water at the first water table.... and if I do, don't STOP... keep running!

2) Don't sell myself short. I KNOW I can run a 5K easily... next time go for the gold!!

This is good advice, since my next scheduled race is the PF Chang Half marathon in January! The best thing about that is the finish line is in the exact same spot as this race was. I'm excited. I have a lot of training to do... but I'm ready now. Physically and mentally.

******SIDE NOTE*****

I noticed that people there don't cheer for you unless they know you. I didn't have anyone there to cheer me on, and that made me sad..... but as soon as I was done I went to the side lines and cheered for every lady that ran by. Running a race is hard.... we should ALL have cheerleaders on the sidelines, whether they know us or not. I'm cheering for you.... please go out and cheer for somebody else!!!

A Personal Hall of Fame

I'm off.... see you on Monday!!!

I couldn't have picked a better weekend to run a race in the city. Its supposed to drop below freezing up here on the mountain... while down in the city we will be running in a warm 70 degrees!

Thanks for all the advice... its pretty obvious that everyone is different when it comes to pre-race food. Some carb load, some don't change a thing. I think what I will do is stick to my healthy choices. Being in the city I know we will be going out to eat somewhere... so I will just pick a healthy meal. Hopefully afterwards we will find a good place to dance off some calories!!

I plan on getting up around 5 on race day and eating a Cliff Bar and getting in a really good stretch.... I'll be sure to write it all down so I can share all the details with you on Monday!

Today I am doing laundry and cleaning house in hopes that it won't be too much of a disaster when I get back on Sunday night. I need to start packing my clothes... but am feeling a little bit apprehensive about it.

Packing for a trip was always the worst part for me. I would pack all my super cute outfits... only to find, once I was there, that they were too small and no longer fit. I would end up buying some cheap t-shirts and looking blah the whole trip. I learned then to try everything on before I packed. Even though I am MUCH smaller then I was then... the thought of trying on clothes makes my stomach turn.

I'll be sure to take TONS of pictures of my girls weekend... I know I will be meeting some of you down there too!! I leave at 6:30 tomorrow morning...... see you on Monday!!!

I need your help! What do YOU eat the night before a race?

Getting ready for the race this weekend. My number one goal for the next 3 days is too stay hydrated. The worst thing you can do is go into a race already lacking water. So... I will be keeping my water bottle next to me at all times!

I am making my checklist of things to take with me... the number one thing I need to take is a good watch that gives me the seconds too. My strategy for this race is to run for 2.5 minutes and walk for 2.5 minutes. With my speed, it keeps me at a 15 minute mile. My ultimate goal is to run the entire first mile and the entire last mile!! That would make me very happy!!

So... I need your help. What kind of running watch do you use, if you use one? What is your strategy when your headed to a race. Keep in mind, this one is only a 5K !!!

I am going to go through my closet today and start picking out clothes. It is very rare that I get a chance to dress up for the city life!! I'm thinking about taking down those size 9's and seeing how they look! I think Roni and I may go out for a little while on Saturday night... probably just for dinner... but that's more then this mommy has seen in years!! LOL

OOOH!!!! Another question!! What do you eat the night before a race????

I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready

I am super excited for this weekend. I need a little 'me' time. The kids will be staying with Hubby and I will get a chance to have some girl time with my friend Roni. We booked our hotel, and it is awesome. Right on the lake... about a mile from the starting line. Its also only about a block from some of the best shops in the city!! Whoooop!

Yesterday I ran 1.5 miles. I was supposed to get in 2 miles but stopped short... how stupid is that? I don't know why I didn't finish that last half mile. Well, I will make up for it today. I've got to get in 3 miles. I was going to go to the track this morning, but its cold... and the last thing I want to do is get sick before my trip! So, the treadmill it will be. :P

I wanted to share with you some before and afters.... these are what I look at when I feel like I'm going nowhere and want to give up on it all.

I may not be the model thin person that I want to be... but I'm a hell of a lot healthier now then I was then. I would have never thought of running back then.... now, I wake up craving it!!

Countdown to Race

Its time to start the countdown to this weekends race! I'll be running the Iron Girl in Tempe on Sunday morning. I can't wait.

It will also be a little mini girls weekend out! Roni, my training partner, is running the race with me. So we are heading down Saturday morning... leaving all the kids with the Hubbys!! There will be a lot of gossiping, cackling, crying and laughing going on that night. If there are any of you in the Phx area that want to get together, let me know!!

So, on to the race training. This weekend I went to the gym on Saturday. I wanted to do a little sprint triathlon... but forgot my swimsuit... so I did a mini biathlon. I biked 6 miles and then ran 3 miles. It was an awesome workout. THEN.... I went downstairs into the stinky 'MAN ROOM' where I picked up some weights and started working on my arms.

At first I was a little nervous. Having all those guys looking at you like your crazy and that you don't know what your doing....pfffft.... Let me tell you, guys... I did 61 days of P90X, I know some stuff!!

That's exactly what I did. I hit play in my head and worked out my shoulder, bi's and tri's!! With the stress of being watched, I may have over worked them. Yesterday and today I am feeling serious pain. My hair may have to go unwashed for one more day.

My weight this morning was 174.6. I'm ok with that... for now. But I want to see 170 by next Monday.

:)

Its the little things that help....

I thought I would share with you something that helps get me through the day!

Being allergic to coffee sucks. Especially when it is a fairly new allergy. As of 4 years ago I could no longer drink coffee. Decaf or regular. The acidity caused me serious stomach pains. So for years I just enjoyed the smell from afar and accepted the fact that my winter morning would have to go without. Until I found Pero....

This little jar of goodness is AWESOME! From the website:

Looking for a natural alternative to caffeinated coffee or
tea?Your search is over. PERO is a 100% natural beverage with a coffee-like
taste. It’s 100% naturally caffeine free and blended from select all natural
ingredients --- malted barley, barley, chicory and rye. And because PERO
contains no stimulants it will not elevate heart rate or blood pressure, cause
sleeplessness or create any adverse physical ailments typically associated with
caffeine consumption. Plus, the low acidity of this natural beverage makes it
easy to enjoy morning, noon or night without fear of stomach upset.

NO SNACKS!

I had to sit down yesterday and figure out what I've been doing wrong. I was dropping weight like crazy for a couple of weeks back in August... but since then only 1.5 lbs. So, what am I doing now that I wasn't doing then?

I'm eating.

Back then I had myself on a schedule. I ate 3 meals a day and that was it. No snacking in between.... no '5 little meals' .... NO SNACKS!

Yesterday I ate a protein shake for breakfast, then crackers, apple w/ peanut butter.... then I had some roasted veggies for lunch, then popcorn, candy corn and toast with butter..... then I had spaghetti for dinner, followed by a second helping.

HMMMMMMM... I think I know why I'm not dropping weight.

So today's menu will look something like this:

BF: Protein Shake
L: Roasted Veggies
D: Chili with 5 crackers.

That's it. The whole "5 meals a day" thing doesn't work for me. I've got to stick with what works. I have to remember my old trick too.... when you start feeling like snacking, make yourself a cup of tea!!

It's never too late (or too early) to recommit

“Character gets you out of bed. Commitment moves you to action. Faith, hope, and discipline enable you to follow through to completion.” - Zig Ziglar

Things happen in our lives that cause us to stray from our path of healthy living. For example, this week it was Halloween and my daughter getting the flu... and then passing it to me. Yesterday I felt the farthest off track, mentally, that I have been in a while. Not so much feeling like giving up on the whole thing, but wondering how I was going to get back to where I was.

Its not like its been months since I've worked out. Only five days, in fact. And its not like I've eaten so much candy that I've gained all the weight back. I'm holding steady at 174.0.

Its more like the worry that I wont be as good as I was. I wont be as good a runner... I wont be able to wake up at 5 a.m and get on that track again. Seriously, I'm worried about not being good enough.

I forgot that its not about how good your doing it... but that your getting up and doing it in the first place. Eventually all that practice will pay off and you will get good at it... but nobody just wakes up and is a pro football player... or an instant marathon runner. It takes practice.

Yesterday I was laying in bed with my daughter... I knew that whatever she had had made its way into my body. This morning we are both doing better. She is back to her old self. I am getting there. I'm not going to run today... but I am going to get on the treadmill and walk a couple of miles. Just to remind myself how much I really do LOVE it.


Its time to recommit.

A long night of puking, crying and mumbling... and there wasn't a drop of alcohol to be seen.

My baby has the flu. She tried so hard yesterday to make it to the bathroom each time she had to puke... but never did. I gave her some good meds and laid her in my bed. She had a 100.4 fever and was shivering. So I cuddled up next to her and we watched cartoons together. She would mumble a comment about something, but she was trying so hard to stay awake that it was impossible to understand her.

All night she tossed and turned. She would hang her head off the foot of the bed (where I had a towel ready in case she had to throw up) and fall asleep like that. She never did actually throw up last night, which I'm grateful for. At one point she was on top of me.... at another time she was waking me up to rub her tummy. Needless to say I didn't sleep last night.

This morning she doesn't have a fever anymore and is sitting up eating an apple. I hope its over....

Halloween, a new baby and my weigh in....

This was a very busy weekend. I'll start with Saturday.

Halloween:

Living in a small country town, it is impossible to take your kids door to door trick or treating. Thankfully the churches in the area ALL have Trunk or Treat events. We went to two before the girls baskets were full to the brim.

The Witch.....

The Witches Black Cat...

I indulged in chocolate. More then I care to really admit today. In fact, it makes me a little sick thinking about it.

New Baby:

Sunday morning Hubbys little sister was in the hospital having her baby! I had offered to help since I used to work in Labor and Delivery. She was the strongest 19 year old I've ever seen. She handled those monster contractions like a pro. 13.5 hours later she delivered a beautiful 6 lb, 15 oz, baby girl!! She is just beautiful.

I was at the hospital all day yesterday helping her. My food consisted of SoyJoy bars, a fruit cup from Wally World and a salad my sister in law made for me.

Which leads to this mornings weigh in of ..................... 173.4

Down -1.6 lbs!

Unbelievable. This is my lowest weight to date.