I need a fresh start... a fresh look.... a fresh outlook.
I'm feeling like I'm stuck in a hamster ball, and constantly running it head first into the wall. If I don't watch out I'll be doing a header down the stairs. I'm not really sure how to go about getting myself out of this ball. Right now my head is pounding, my stomach is cramping and I don't really know what I am doing out of bed... but I do know that things need to change.
I don't mean my workout schedule, or my feeding schedule. I mean the whole way I think about myself, my weight and my life that needs to change.
I have a habit of thinking that I cant be happy until I reach my goal weight. That I cant look good unless I'm wearing a size 6. That I cant eat what I want or enjoy life because I'm fat.
The truth is, I am a very self destructive person. I sabotage myself when I am succeeding.... and find it mind blowing when I actually DO succeed at something. I don't give myself credit when I do something good.. but can't stop giving myself hell when I mess something up.
So how do I go about helping myself? I start with my blog. No more blogging about food or workouts. Right now this blog is about digging deeper into my head and figuring out how to change the way I think and feel about myself. I don't know how that will go... but we'll start with Day 1.... tomorrow.
For now this body is going back to bed with a glass of water and aspirin. See you later.
8 comments:
I hear ya! Just know that whatever u want to talk about we are here to listen to what u have to say.
Cindie
Hang in there. You have made some awesome improvements. But in the end you are right, it has to be about wanting to take care of yourself.
Remember, God gave you that body. That body we hate so much was created specifically for us by him! That body helped you carry your baby. That body has stuck with you thru thick and thin.
This journey has to be about loving yourself and loving your body. You know when you first have a baby, we are all very cautious about what we'll feed it. Not bananas, Gerber organic bananas. Because we want them to be healthy.
Its almost like when we "grow up" we stop thinking about our body like that. But we shouldn't. This is our gift from God and we should want to feed it the very best fuel possible.
Good luck....and hang in there. :o)
www.lolafierce.wordpress.com
Sis, you have come so far!! Every single step you make is in the right direction and gets you closer to your goal.
Love you sis!
Oh, that! It's not even starting over, it's just part of the whole thing... I totally get what you're saying, because I've been struggling with that too. I'm in a good place mentally and emotionally right now, and I hope it lasts, but I am a master at self-sabotage.
Hang in there! You will win this head game.
Hope you feel better soon. I'm just recovering from a cold that had me sidelined from exercise for most of the week. But I'm almost ready to go back!
What Lola said. And? I am just like you. I would never say to my worst enemy the things I say to myself about my body, my life.
Big hugs. I will read your blog no matter the content because your heart comes through.
sounds like a plan. i have a hard time being happy where i am too. constantly looking at where i want to go...
Gah, I freaking hate this, because I'm the same way.
I don't even know what caused what (and I'm not sure spending time to find out would be all that helpful, really), but being fat all my life and especially the couple years off tipping the scales of over 400+ pounds really went hand in hand with some really self-destructive / defensive mechanisms that I'm getting sick and tired of.
Blarg. Double blarg.
But you know what? I'm gonna find a way to become a better man, and that doesn't stop at the weight loss. Become a better Will mentally and socially and relationally is all part of it, too, but just a lot harder!
Triple blarg.
Will
4xlt.WillPhillips.org
Sending hugs your way. Hope you are feeling much better soon.
Path to Health
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