Day ? ... why bother?

W: 195 (+2 lbs)

Workout: 1 hour on the treadmill

Food: lets be honest, how about I just promise not to eat the kitchen sink!

My mood today is fowl. I have officially gained 10 lbs. That is like a stab in the back.. that I somehow managed to do myself. All I can say is that I don't know what I am doing. Seriously. I know that food is my problem..... hello OA! (how anonymous am I, LOL) ... but maybe I am being delusional about how much I am eating.?? Is that possible?? I am not a fan of writing what I eat down... but I think I need to start. I have to figure something out, because I do NOT want to see 200 lbs again.

I have that sick feeling in my stomach. You know, the one you get when you are scared. It feels like I am not in control of this anymore and I don't like that.

On the positive side... I ran a 5K yesterday in less time then I have done before! Even that doesn't make me happy though. Today's workout will be 1 hour walking on the treadmill. Its time I get down to business and start from scratch.

A life well-lived requires that I continue to change, grow and clean up the wreckage of my past–and my present. If I do that, my life is better than I could have ever imagined.

Day 5

W: 194.5 (+1.5 lbs)

Workout: 5K walk/run

Food: 1200 calories, 3 meals, WATER

Yesterday was a busy day redoing the girls room. Moved the furniture, cleaned out drawers, cleaned the carpet... from top to bottom that room is spotless now. You wouldn't believe the things I found stuffed in corners and under beds. The only bad thing that came from it was my lack of control over my food. I didn't eat a lot.... just unhealthy. A piece of pizza, some cookies, ice cream and a hot dog. Oh, and zero water. I'm pretty sure that is the cause of my gain.

Its okay, today is a new day. I have a great workout planned this morning. I've already had a good breakfast and will be drinking a couple glasses of water before my run. I am hoping to spend the rest of the day redoing the rest of the house... little by little! Seeing that it is freezing cold outside.. I don't see us venturing out today.

I am a continuing miracle with whom God is not yet finished.

Day 3

W: 192 (-1 lb)

Workout: 15 min run

Food: 1200 calories, 3 meals, WATER (didn't drink enough yesterday and ended up with a massive headache last night)

The movie was a success and we had a great time. Today I am going to rearrange the girls room, visit my mom and then do grocery shopping. Fun, fun.

Have a great weekend.

Nothing that happened yesterday or that may happen tomorrow is more important than NOW.

Day 2

W: 193

Workout: 15 min run, 55 min Tae Bo, 100 crunches, 40 push ups.

Food: 1200 calories, 3 meals, WATER

Yesterday was a good day, except for those yummy chocolate cupcakes I made for the kids last night. I only had 2 small ones.... a no-no... but not as bad as it could have been. Life goes on.

Today I am taking the kids to see the new Monsters VS Aliens movie. I'm looking forward to it. It will be Angels second trip to the theater and Baby's first. I have no doubt she will enjoy it too.

God grant me the wisdom to understand my longings and the willingness to act in my own best interest

Day 1..... again.

Weight: 193

Workout: 15 min run, 30 squats, 15 push ups, 1 min wall sit, 25 jumping jacks, 30 sec plank... REPEAT

Food plan: 1200 calories.... 3 meals.... 96 oz of water.

Time to start fresh. I'm feeling good and ready to focus on losing the next 10 pounds. Little steps.

You don’t have to be perfect–just willing.

Off the couch....

Yesterday wasn't a bad day. Still no workouts, but food was a little better and I actually drank water. Hubby came home early and sent me to the salon to get my nails done. Not that we can afford it, but he knows how good I feel when I've got long, sexy nails! He was right, too. I came home feeling better. This morning I feel like the train is back on the tracks. I have had my protein shake for breakfast and am ready for a good workout before jumping in the shower and heading to town.



It is still an effort. I wish it could be easy... but no matter what is going on, it will always be an effort... and its not because I don't want it, or because I HAVE to do it... its because I have a problem. 'Hello, my name is Tigerlilly and I am an Overeater'



Losing weight is going to take a lot more then eating less and moving more. Its going to take an effort, on my part, to understand the reasons why I am the way I am.

For an honest, balanced view of myself, I take a few moments in which I free
my mind of everything except God’s love for me.

*********************************************************





The beautiful Hanlie over at Fertilehealthy gave me the Love-ya award.. and I am blessed to have such wonderful people in my life.




The rules of the award are:

“These blogs are exceedingly charming. These kind bloggers aim to find and be friends. They are not interested in self-aggrandizement. Our hope is that when the ribbons of these prizes are cut, even more friendships are propagated. Please give more attention to these writers. Deliver this award to eight bloggers who must choose eight more and include this cleverly-written text into the body of their award”

Right! Do you know how hard it is to choose only 8 deserving blogs? I have so many fulfilling relationships in the blogging world!

In the end I chose:

Kennedy : She has been a friend from day one. I can always count on her to say the right thing to keep me going.

May: Tells it like it is... and is always there with a helping hand.

Tammy: Passion, Obsession or Insanity? I couldn't have said it better myself!!

Heatherly: A woman I am blessed to have in my life.

Mark: Motivation and more.....

Jessica: A friend like no other

Carlos: Always there to encourage me to keep going.

Fatinah: True inspiration.

Couch Session Part 2

I fall into depression rather easily. Its been awhile since I've felt this bad, but its no surprise that I have fallen into a slump again.

Sometimes you just have to wallow in it. Cover yourself with blankets and let the tears roll. Face the shadows in your head or maybe ignore them by immersing yourself in your dreams. Sleep if you need to sleep, eat if you need to eat. Spend a couple of days in the hole you fell in.

But when a couple of days have gone by, you need to start looking for your way out. There wont be a ladder or stairs. No friend to lift you up, no rope to grab on to. Just you. So, where do you start?

You have to find that first foothold. You have to reach up and grab on to whatever you can. Then pull....

I've been in a slump, that is no lie. I have eaten my way through a couple of gallons of sugar... ice cream, cupcakes, bread and pizza. No working out... no surprise there. No water, no veggies. I didn't even eat dinner last night. With the stress going on I have been grinding my teeth at night which gives me massive headaches during the day. My teeth are in a constant clench... even when I try to relax.

I've been in my slump and now I am reaching out for the first thing I can grab. Here enters the wonderful Mark and his 30 minute challenge. A simple challenge that I can do. Not too overwhelming, but enough to get my blood flowing again.

I've thrown away the junk food.... I've poured myself a glass of water. I'll take a couple of aspirin and try to focus on the next reach....

to be continued......

Wanting to v.s. Having to

Sorry I have been MIA this week. We had problems with our Internet service... and finally got it back on this morning. I was like a kid in a candy store!! After answering my 20 emails and reading everyones blog, I am finally ready to write another post...

My last post had me in a dreary mood. I was fed up with my daily mood being dependant on what the scale said first thing in the morning. Seeing a loss would make me feel good... which would lead to either a really good day or a relaxed 'cheat' day. Seeing a gain would make me feel like a failure.... which would lead to either a really great workout day or another, much more relaxed, 'cheat' day. Are you seeing a pattern yet?? My 'cheat' days seemed to be daily! LOL

Well, you guys left some great comments for me and I had the chance to sit back and really think about them. I think I have been putting way too much into this whole weight loss thing. I do HAVE to lose weight... for health reasons... and I do WANT to lose weight... for personal reasons.... but how do I join those two things without causing a nuclear disaster? You would think that having both those reasons would be the perfect combination... but for me it seems to be a stressful situation. Maybe that is my problem.

Stress has been in the front seat these past few months. Money, family, health.... everything is going crazy lately and it shows. My freakish mood swings... my crazy food cravings... you would think I was pregnant! LOL ... (sorry, not a chance) Seriously, I am stressed and I think it is taking its toll on me.

I'm still trying to figure this out.... but writing it down seems to help. Stay tuned for tomorrows 'couch session'.

Its time to change.

I had a terrible week as far as food and workouts go. So terrible, in fact, that I was asking Hubby why I even bother doing it.

(me) If it makes me so miserable why do I do it? Does it matter that I'm not the perfect size 6? Why cant I just eat what I want and be happy like everyone else?

(hubby) Do you want to weigh 220 again? Do you remember how you would run out of breath just walking out the door?

(me) I don't want to be 220 again, but I don't think I can lose any more weight. I'm stuck on a treadmill, literally, walking for miles and miles but never seeing anything different.

(hubby) Maybe you should quit worrying about your weight and just focus on your body image.

I thought about this for the rest of the evening and it started to make sense. I step on that scale everyday. Which is fine, unless your like me and take a gain to heart. The scale has not been good to me for the past 2 months. (notice I haven't weighed in on my blog in a while) Its nothing drastic like gaining all 40 lbs back... but it isn't showing what I want it to show. Every time I step on the scale and see a gain or a maintain, I go into a downward spiral and the rest of my day shows it.

Hubby is right (and he will get a kick out of this when he reads it tonight). I need to focus on my body image and my food... not my weight. So where do you start?

I want to say... with measurements!! ... but that could easily turn into the same obsessive action as the scale. So, I ask again, where do you start?

With breakfast. After that I will concern myself with getting a good workout in. Then there is lunch, snack and a dinner to worry about. Dont forget the 92 oz. of water I have to drink everyday. Focusing on my body and my food will mean just that. Making sure that my body is getting what it needs... vitamins, workouts and plenty of water... and making sure that the food I am eating is healthy and in the right proportions. That's all I am going to worry about. How will I know I am on the right track? I should see it in the mirror. I should feel it in my clothes. .

Sick... again.

Once again I am feeling under the weather. I'm light headed and nauseous... and poor Hubby has the same thing, on top of the pink eye that he is insisting I gave him! The girls aren't sick, so it wasn't something we ate. I think I am just an open door for sicknesses right now. ***grrr***

I am going to a funeral tomorrow morning. My friend found her teenage son dead last week. The cause is still unknown but it looks like something to do with alcohol. Its a sad time. My nephew was one of his good friends and I want to be there for him too. I remember losing a friend when I was in high school. It is such a confusing time anyway, but to add death into it... well, its a hard way to learn that your not invincible.

Its time to crawl back into my cave and suffer quietly. I hope this is only one of those 24 hr things.

My Interview with Shellie Blanks Cimarosti

1. We all have bad days when working out just seems like too much, well, work. How do you stay motivated?

For me, I always remind myself of the way that I know I will feel when I am done. And I am always so thankful that I pushed myself to do it anyway. It is important to remember one thing...my dad always says, "Where I am today, is where my mind and my will put me. Where I'll be tomorrow, is where my mind and my will put me." So, if I want to stay in the rut, I will.

2. As a busy mother of two, how do you stay focused on your own health?

I make it a priority to take care of myself. I know that if I do not, I will not be able to take adequate care of them. I need energy, I need an outlet, I need strength, all of those things make us better moms. Plus, I need to lead by example.

3. How do you maintain/lose weight? Is there a favorite diet? Favorite snack?

I am blessed to have the job that I have! I get to workout! Ha. And yes, I eat pretty healthy, not extremely strict. Except when I want to focus on getting a bit leaner for shooting dvd's. Television will add a few pounds, so I will lean out for a shoot. I love pizza!

4. Do you have a favorite recipe that you can share with us?

Believe it or not, I am not the chef in our house! My husband is...he is wonderful. I will actually burn water...lol!

5. What would you tell someone who is just starting out on their weight loss/ healthy living journey?

I would say that weight loss is unseen until it happens. It takes time and remember, it took time to put the weight on. So, it is not going to come off overnight. Have patience, realize you have the power in your hand to make a change. All you need, is the action behind it. Go by how working out makes you feel on the inside, not the way you look. There are people out there who are in shspe on the outside, but on the inside-they are lost...

6. What would you tell someone, like me, who has stalled in their weight loss?

Not to do things out of habit. Do your workout with purpose! When things become a habit, and there is no thought process, one becomes bored and will eventually quit. That's why I love Tae Bo® Fitness. It makes you focus on technique, so, you cannot get bored. And if you focus on the latter, the weight loss will come faster.

7. Out of all the workouts that you and your Dad have done together, what is your favorite one?

Oh...that's a tough one! I really love them all! I know that is a broad answer, but they are all so different and preparing and shooting them all has left me with fond memories!

Thank you Shellie! You are a blessing and I am blessed to have someone like you to push me through this journey ... even if it is on a DVD! LOL

To buy your own Tae Bo workout go to www.teamteabo.com !

An Introduction to Shellie Blanks Cimarosti ... Interview will be posted on Wednesday!!

Shellie Blanks Cimarosti is not only Billy Blanks' daughter but has been at his right hand side from the creation of Tae Bo® Fitness. Her knowledge, dedication & guidance has been nothing but an asset for the continued growth and instruction of this intoxicating fitness regimen. Her humble beginnings, being brought up in the projects of Erie, Pennsylvania, to her current residence in the Los Angeles area, is a storybook fantasy in itself.







Before starring as the original Yellow Power Ranger (fighting/stunts), modeling in a number of Fitness Magazines, starring in a Tae Bo® Fitness Subway commercial campaign and having appeared on many TV spots, such as “Opera”, “Montell Williams” & “The Parkers” hit television shows, she put in plenty of time working toward her mastery of Martial Arts. Training began at a young age of 2 years old and at 14, she won the Jiu Jitsu World Championships and a Gold Medal at the Junior Olympics for Full Contact Sparring. Currently, she is in a select club, only a few, dedicated women have attained, by acquiring a 6th Degree Black Belt in the Martial Art discipline of Tae Kwon Do.







At age 9 she and her family moved to Boston, Massachusetts, which would explain her fanaticism toward the Boston Red Socks & the New England Patriots. Los Angeles eventually became home another 6 years later where she has continued to foster her career as a personal trainer, Tae Kwon Do & Tae Bo® Fitness instructor to many. The long list includes business executives, professional athletes and celebrities such as: Shaquille O'Neal, Wayne Gretzky, Magic Johnson, Brooke Shields, Robert Downy Jr, Queen Latifah, Elizabeth Hasselbeck, Jessica Alba, Goldie Hawn, Jessica Biel, Kate Hudson, Kim Kardashian, Carmen Electra, Lisa Marie Presley, Slash (Gun n Roses), Jordon Knight (NKOTB), Ricky Bell (BBD), Anna Nicole Smith, Denise Richards, David Alan Grier, Mr T, Lou Diamond Phillips, Bette Midler, Ryan O'Neal, Mo'Nique, James Toney (Boxing Champion), Kris Jenner, Rodney Pete (Pro Footbal), & David Hasselhoff.







Shellie travels internationally training, instructing and demonstrating the world-renowned fitness technique of Tae Bo®, created by her father, Billy Blanks. One of her greatest enjoyments of spreading the goodwill of Tae Bo® Fitness has been traveling overseas to work with members of the U.S. Armed Forces in such places as Iraq, Afghanistan, Korea, Spain, Bosnia, Kosovo, Sarajevo, Greece, Africa, Germany, Italy and many location throughout the United States. While home, she focuses her efforts on Tae Bo® Fitness by running the certification camp (www.teamtaebo.com), adding content on the web club at www.billyblanks.com and spear heading creative ways of bringing Tae Bo® Fitness to the next level. Shellie's philosophy of “giving back” is quite evident in many areas of her life. She sits on the Board of Directors, for The Billy Blanks Foundation, as well as, assisting her Mom, Gayle Blanks, with their on going philanthropic effort,“The Greater Love Campaign”, in which they send care packages to our brave men & women in the US Armed Forces overseas.



Shellie thanks God everyday for her husband, Mark John Cimarosti, their two sons, Rocco John & Titus John. In addition, they have three dogs. A toy Yorkie named Foxie who weighs 3.5 lbs and two 100lb. black labs, named Champ & Jaz, and not to forget their betta fish named “Fishy”. Her greatest joy lies in expressing her love for the Lord and assisting others in achieving their dreams. Shellie says, "It makes me happy to help people reach their goals and make a life change. It inspires me to see people happy and loving one another." For a fun, relaxing time, Shellie enjoys cheering on her New England Patriots against her husbands, Dallas Cowboys. “I have to admit”, Shellie says, “When the Patriots lost the Super Bowl and failed to complete their incredible 19-0 season, I cried, my husband laughed,...., right before he cried,....,when I kicked him in the shin”.



READ MORE ABOUT SHELLIE, BILLY AND TAE BO HERE!!

Manic Monday

There isn't really any reason to call it 'manic' Monday... just hate coming up with titles to my posts! LOL

The weekend was uneventful... and I do mean in every way. No workouts, no cleaning (except for the usual dishes and bathing). My food was good ... except for the massive craving I had for ice cream yesterday. Hubby went out and bought a crap load of different flavors. I ate about a cup of ice cream.... and payed for it dearly.

I have been recently diagnosed as lactose intolerant. Apparently your body can suddenly become allergic to things that have never bothered you before. (or things that you dearly love and can not live without even if it means making you sick to your stomach and crampy) ***sniffle*** I have figured out a replacement for ice cream that is delicious... but my head still wont accept it. .... recipe will follow....

So last night I ate about 350 calories worth of ice cream and then ate NOTHING for the rest of the day because I felt so sick. My heart was racing, my belly was cramping and I wanted to do nothing but sleep. Not a good sign, really. I asked Hubby why he bought the stuff and his reply was:

"Because you give me those big brown eyes.... and if I refuse then you give me the 'I will kill you look'...."

Which is true. I begged for it yesterday.... and he tried to remind me how yucky it makes me feel.. but I was CRAVING it and wanted nothing else.

I seriously need to have a conversation with myself.

On the healthy side... my brother in law is a distributor of an Acai berry drink called MonaVie. He gave me a bottle of it to try and I will have to say that I am feeling better all around. My joints aren't as achey, my headaches are gone ... and I am eating less because I don't feel as hungry all day. On top of all that it is great for me. I love it so much I signed up to distribute it myself! I will post about it soon... but if you have any questions now, feel free to email me!

I am off to do my Tae Bo workout and then start cleaning this mess of a house. ***sigh****

*********************************************************

BANANA ICE CREAM

1 cup soy milk

1 frozen banana

1 scoop of protein powder

Mix it all in a blender and enjoy.

YUMMY!!!!

Weekend Warrior Challenge

Its Friday again! Time to come up with a personal challenge to keep me honest all weekend. Because the forecast says rain, wind and cold... I will have to come up with something that is inside.

Saturday: 3 mile run on the tready

Sunday: 30 min on the tready in the morning and afternoon.

**If there is a break in the weather, I will probably take the bike out for another grueling ride!**

Have a great weekend! Stay focused....

Still Giving the Stink Eye....

Apparently one day of medication is not long enough to get rid of pink eye. I woke up this morning with one eye swollen shut again. ***grrrr*** It is so frustrating. The only good thing is its not holding me back from working out. Physically I feel great... I just cant see all that great!

So, today will be spent inside. I can't go contaminating everyone! I have a Jump Start Cardio Tae Bo workout this morning. I think I might run a mile or two this afternoon too. I seem to do better when I split my workouts. It definitely keeps me focused on my food all day too.

Well, time for eye drops!

conjuncta-what???

It has been 20 years since I have had conjunctivitis, otherwise known as Pink Eye. My eyes have been killing me with my allergies but last night they were REALLY itching. When I went to Hubby's MMA test my left eye was a little bit swollen. I thought maybe I had just rubbed it too much. This morning I woke up and could only open my right eye. My left eye was swollen shut.

It was very alarming. I had never had my eye swell up so bad, even with a black eye! Hubby laughed at me because, out of the two of us, he was the one that had a better shot of waking up with a black eye! All he had was a small burn on his left cheek.

So I went to the doctor and $100 later I have antibiotics to put in my eye 4 times a day. The swelling has already gone down....

On to Hubbys MMA test. He passed with flying colors. I only saw the first half as I had the girls with me and they were ready for bed half way in. I did get some pictures thought!!!

I managed a great 3 mile bike ride yesterday. It was actually on accident. I was riding along enjoying the easy pedaling and the wind on my back. When I turned around to head back home I realized that the entire mile and half I had just ridden was a slight downhill. The ride home was a workout from 'h-e-double hockey sticks'. I was pedaling against the wind and it sometimes felt like I wasn't even moving.

When I made it home I was exhausted. My legs were shaking and sweat was pouring down. It felt really good.

Today I am hoping that when Hubby gets home I can go down to the local school track and run some laps... then do some stairs!! Of course, I will have to make sure I can see out of both eyes first!

Whats Your Dream?

Do you remember, as a child, being asked over and over what you wanted to be when you grew up? My answer would change depending on who asked me. It varied from Marine Biologist, teacher and nurse to Police officer, brain surgeon and President.

On the inside I never really made up my mind what I wanted to be. As a teenager I volunteered at the Emergency Room and have stayed in the medical field ever since. I enjoy helping people and the medical field lets me do that to the extreme. But I wouldn't say that it's my 'dream' job.

I am all grown up now, so the question has changed from what will you be to what is your dream? Besides that obvious dream of winning a million dollars and living on our own Island where the girls grow up to be brain surgeons and marine biologists.... my dream is to get my body physically fit so that I can teach others how to do the same. I want to teach people that the only way to succeed is to never give up.

The obvious first step to that dream come true is focusing on myself and getting rid of these last 40 lbs. So, I'm off to do my morning workout!!

What is your dream?

Monday Madness

My Weekend Warrior challenge was successfully completed! On top of my already planned activities I did 1 hour of cardio. That was mostly due to the fact that I LOVE new workout DVD's and am always super motivated to try them out! Is there such a thing as a chunky workout addict? LOL

I was reading one of my fav blogs and she mentioned this website. I tried it out and it gave me this advice to lose the next 10 lbs :

For the next 30 days:

Eat 1591-2081 calories a day
Eat every 3 hours for a total of 5 meals a day
Each meal should be between 318-416 calories
Eat 31 grams of protein at each meal
Eat 1 raw fruit/or vegetable + 31 grams of protein at each meal
Drink 1 litre of water and take a multivitamin daily

I'm gonna need to get some protein powder in order to hit that daily requirement of protein. It does help to have the exact amount of calories I should be eating at each meal. I think right now I eat really small amounts during the day and then use the rest of my calories on dinner. Probably not the best way to do it. Hmmmmm, maybe this will finally get my body losing again!

Well, I am off to do my morning workout! See you tomorrow!

Its a Billy Blanks weekend!

So far my weekend has been very active. Lots of bike riding and house cleaning. BUT the best part has been my new workout. Hubby went and bought me the new (at least new to me) Tae Bo Amped. I did the first 'Jump Start Cardio' today. I loved it. I've been doing the Tae Bo boot camp for the last year and this made a great switch! The Amplifier is a 3lb bar that made my arms and shoulders feel every movement! I cant wait for tomorrows workout!!

On top of that... I got a package in the mail containing a Tae Bo t-shirt, a pink Tae Bo tank top and this fantastic autographed pic (To Tigerlilly!) of Billy Blanks that I have hung up right next to my treadmill! Talk about motivated!

I have a long bike ride planned for this afternoon.... wish me luck!!