What Can You Do In 100 Days?? ... DAY 36

WT: 181
FEELING: Icky
WHERE IS MY HEAD: I want a big stack of pancakes for breakfast, but I'll settle for a glass of cucumber, carrot and celery juice with a side of oatmeal. :)

I had a great comment yesterday:

So you're just trying to reach goal in this 100 day? Or are you looking to live/eat this way the rest of your life? You can certainly reach goal, but, whether or not you stay there is the real challenge of this 100 day isn't it? 

I for one, think you look great since you first started. I don't care what the scale is telling you and why you're allowing this piece of equipment to tell you how well you've done. 

Look at theses pictures. You look amazing. Stop beating yourself up on numbers. Each time you weigh yourself, it could be a day you are bloated then the next day, you could lose like 2 lbs. So which day should you really count?? LOL 

I think you should base the rest of this journey on inches. 
Because I know, you can be 181 and still end up with a size 12 or 10 waistline. So, what does that tell you?

The goal of this 100 day challenge is to finally lose the weight. I have been struggling on this journey for over 4 years now. 4 YEARS. Now, I know that this will be a lifelong thing.... but right now I am focused on getting to my goal weight. After that I will focus on maintaining...  I already know that there will never be a time that I can let my guard down. Eating healthy will always be a challenge for me. I am addicted to food... just like an addiction to drugs or alcohol... it is never gone. You see, I was actually very happy at 173 lbs. So happy that I quit worrying about the scale. I thought I was doing fine. In a month I gained 8 lbs.  If I don't see it as a challenge then I just let it go... and in less then 6 months I could gain it all back.

If I dont reach my goal weight by the end? No harm done. My journey will continue. This 'challenge' may be over on the 100th day... but the true challenge will continue on, until the day I die.

Thank you for the compliments on the pictures. I do see how good I look now.... 50 lbs lighter then I was at my heaviest.... but for me, its not enough. I want to see myself in the best shape of my life. I want to see myself in the shape and weight that this body was meant to be.  I have been heavy my whole life... I want to finally see what the real me is supposed to look like.

The number on the scale does have me trapped. It is what I gauge my day on. If I am seeing a low number, then I feel strong and know that I am on the right track... if I see a high number then I get determined to do better. It sounds crazy.. and maybe it is... but for me, its how I survive.

Right now I am in a size 12 pants. Yes, it is a perfectly wonderful size to wear... but I want to know if I can wear a size 9... or a size 6... or maybe, just maybe a size 4.

I'm not looking to be rail thin and sickly. I am doing this the healthiest way I know possible. I am eating the right foods and working out to strengthen my body. Having already faced cancer once, my fear is that if I should get sick again, would I have the right tools to fight it again?  A healthy body and a strong mind.

Some of this may sound crazy. You may think I've got it all wrong. To tell you the truth I already know that the way I think of food is wrong... but I'm trying to rewire my brain from years and years of bad food. I may look great now... but I want to look better.  I may be obsessed with the numbers.... but that is my way of dealing with it.

This is not meant to be an argument... if anything I just wanted to explain my way of thinking a little more. I appreciate all the comments that have been left on here and I want to thank all of you who have been reading and following along.... (Lucas, I would love to follow along on your 100 day challenge!!!) ....

As for today, its back to juicing, water, protein (solids, not shakes) and working out~ Have a great day :)