My mouth is sore. Trying to chew food is like trying to chew glass. I did manage to eat spaghetti last night and it tasted so good. It made me realize that I'm going to have to really watch what I eat when my mouth heals. I can already see myself going on a binge and eating everything in sight.... just because I can! I have to remember what being in the 170's means to me.
A year ago my goal was to be 175. I thought that would be the magic number. I figured at that weight I would be the perfect size. At that point I did not have dreams of running a half marathon... or running at all!
Being at 195 back then I guess I thought 20 lbs lighter would be a huge difference... and it is... but not the huge change I was hoping for. I still have a belly, and always will thanks to two kids and two huge surgery scars, but I would like it to be a little bit smaller then it is now. I am still in double digit size 12... I would love to be a size 6... ok, I would settle for a size 9... just out of the double digits.
As I sit here thinking about everything I want my body to be, I wonder if I will ever be done on this journey. I have taken on a huge project and seeing the progress I have made makes me want to keep going. Will I ever be skinny enough? I'm sure one day I will reach the perfect weight for my body. Will that mean my journey is ended? Of course not. There will always be the calorie counting, the water drinking, the scale jumping, the sweating. Truth be told, when you start this journey, you get a one way ticket. You just transfer from the 'Lose' train to the 'Maintain' train.
The word 'obsession' comes to mind. I am very obsessed with weight loss right now. Maybe because I am actually succeeding at it or maybe because after two years of trying I just need to do it. I thinks it is a healthy obsession though. One that will benefit me in the end (which will hopefully be at 90 years old surrounded by family).
For now I try to focus on the small details... like losing another 5 lbs before the 10K I am running in September....... the goal of 163 lbs to get my journey tattoo.... the half marathon in January.... the triathlon I will do after that....
6 comments:
I think being obsessed in a healthy way is a good thing...I am as well, I sure dont want to gain my weight back and if this is what it takes for me to keep it off then so be it, but I see food addiction like a drug addict's addiction...its a day to day committment to stay on this path.
I wanted to be 68kgs when I started as well, when I reached 68 I thought okay lets go for 65, then got to 65 and thought no I want 62kgs...here I am now, and finally happy at what I see looking back at me.
My middle age/menopausal belly has gone, instead I have a nice hard one, ( got loose skin but cant have it all hey )
I have to try keep my weight here...
So I do understand how you are not happy now that you are closer to your goal...keep going as one day you will reach and weight and see that that is the right weight for you.
obsession can be healthy... they just call it focus or dedication to dress it up...
I feel your pain on the Molar removal, I had that done when I was younger. I agree 100% on your comment about the weight loss journey. I will be doing it for the rest of my life. I don't know what my end weight is either...
I think for so many of us that have to really struggle to stay at a healthy weight, and especially if you have tried and failed, it takes obsession or complete dedication to do it. Everytime I have lost weight, even 5-10 lbs I always put it back on and then some. I have never done enough to maintain.I agree with Marcelle... one day you will get there and like what you see looking back. That is what I am striving for... not so much a number but to just look in the mirror and think... wow, that's me!
I think being obsessed about health can be okay, especially while trying to lose weight. This stuff is HARD, and if we're not focused, we can easily slip back into our old ways.
That being said, I hope that once we get to goal, we relax a bit with the vigilance, because being this obsessed for a long time, I think, is not the best for our mental health.
how's the 100 mile challenge coming along? :)
Post a Comment